We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
