Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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