so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
