i think my tv is drunk
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
