The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
