i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
