Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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