I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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