The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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