What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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