he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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