The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
