You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
