That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
