so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
