Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
