Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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