Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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