I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
