Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
