you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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