It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My breasts were aching with rage.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
