these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
