You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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