You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
