just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
