Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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