last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
