Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Houston, we have a squirter
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
