He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
