I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
