On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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