i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
