SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
