his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
