I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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