This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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