you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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