i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
