pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
