life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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