Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
