I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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