My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
