I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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