saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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