need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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