All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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