Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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