I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
