Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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