4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
