dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
