im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
