I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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