woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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