I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
