i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
