Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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