I smell stomach acid.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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