This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
