Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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