wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want nice things and good sex
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
