Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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