you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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