Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize