I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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