had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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