the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
