id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
