so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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