even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
