my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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