I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ttyl tear gas
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
